Posted by Juliet Linderman

Hey Dick-enthusiasts! It’s Thursday, which means over at Vol. 1 we’ve been Dick watching for your pleasure and convenience. Here they are, your Moby-Dick related links for the week!

Let’s get started:

1. Breaking news: Russian Prime Minister Vladimir Putin is more badass than you are, because he shot a grey whale with a crossbow. That’s right, a fucking crossbow.On the other side of the world, it appears that Putin has dick fever: He’s been spending his last dog days of summer time-tracking endangered whales off Russia’s far eastern coast in Olga Bay in the Sea of Japan. Describing the experience of shooting a giant dart into an endangered gray whale to get a skin sample, Putin said:

“There was a real feeling of exhilaration,” he said. “I missed three times but hit on the fourth attempt.” Then added: “Living is dangerous…I love the nature.”

Why yes there IS a video, thank you for asking.

2. In other, weirder and sadder whale-related news, the family of the Sea World trainer who was drowned by a six-ton killer whale named Tillikum on February 24 is seeking legal action against Sea World. Apparently, the giant killer whale snatched the trainer from the platform in his jaws and the rest is history. More disturbingly, this particular whale has been involved in THREE human deaths. It’s probably time for retirement. Also, New York Daily News reports that a 10-year-old kid who witnessed the fiasco and is now traumatized (obvz), and his parents are filing a lawsuit against the amusement park, which seems legit to me considering that they clearly didn’t take the first two instances of Tillikum freaking out and KILLING PEOPLE seriously enough. Sea World’s bad.

3. Can I please get a HELL YEAH! to the news that Beluga Whales, those creepy adorable little white blobs of the deep will now have their own sanctuary in the Canadian Arctic, in the Mackenzie Delta and estuary in the Beaufort Sea, thanks to Prime Minister Stephen Harper. It will consist of three separate areas encompassing 1,800 square kilometres.

4. The National Post wonders, in light of recent news, who would win a dance-off between Stephen Harper and Vladimir Putin? Good question, Canada. Good question.

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