YM505

You don’t want to read that story by some middle-aged white dude that thinks women would be happier if they stopped reading books and started baking more, but the title is just so infuriating that you have to see what it’s all about. You don’t care about somebody getting a million dollar advance to write a memoir about how tough kindergarten was, but you just have to see what all the hullabaloo is about. You don’t want to give some 3000 word “think piece” on how Taylor Swift’s music and Ayn Rand’s ideas have a lot in common if you just listen, but you thought up such a snappy tweet about it that you just can’t help yourself. 

With that in mind, we’re decided to embrace this trend. Here’s a sneak preview of some of the articles you’ll see from us later in 2013.

  • Novels: Why Aren’t They More like the Internet?
  • Lena Dunham is a better writer than you will ever be.
  • The Seven Unreliable Narrators We’re Dying to Fuck.
  • Top 15 Women Writers You Didn’t Know Were Total Dogs (slideshow).
  • Why There are no Berries in Huckleberry Finn and 9 Other Literary Mysteries Explained.
  • Win a Melville House Neck Tattoo.
  • Alice Munro: Too Canadian?
  • Drinking Like a Real Writer, Writing Like a Real Drinker.
  • Ernest Hemingway: Greatest Role Model Ever
  • I Sold Crack To Pay For This MFA.

What other hate click pieces should we come up with? Something we’ve gathered from our studies is that crowd sourcing this sort of thing really helps. What totally horrible non-stories would you like to see from us in 2013? Please help us get those ever important clicks we so desperately crave.

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  • “How My Self-Published Book Ruined Big Six Publishing”

    “Did Philip K. Dick predict the iPad?”

    “Why Is [Insert Literary Prize] Jury So Sexist/Racist/Ageist/Heightest?”

    “You’ll Never Believe What Agents Say Behind Authors’ Backs”

    “37 Tips for Hitting the Amazon Bestseller List”

    “How My Artisanal Pickling Company Made Me a Millionaire”

    “Gosling Gosling Gosling Gosling Gosling Gosling”

  • StoneG

    Zombie Christopher Hitchens returns from the dead to offend you.
    William Burroughs lost writing on gun control.

    David Foster Wallace, Roberto Bollano, Biggie Smalls and Tupac release new books.

  • Alice Munro IS too Canadian, tho

  • Gorgeous women writer so glam we forgot to review her book here are some shots of her lying passively in a chair.
    14 year old’s erotic fiction about dragons breaks bestseller record.
    Obvious Aphorism seen on tattoos everywhere is still better than you

  • Johnny Literatard

    Authors in bands that shouldn’t be in bands